7 Couples Therapy Exercises: The Relationship Rescue Workbook
Welcome to the 7-Day Relationship Rescue Workbook - Discover more about some foundational couples therapy exercises in this post, find the skills to create and manage conflict, improve mutual respect, promote intimacy, and hopefully build the foundation for an ideal relationship.
More Pages for you to explore:
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Couple Therapy In Los Angeles
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Intensive Couples Therapy Experience
The 7-Day Relationship Rescue Workbook PDF & Worksheet
There may not be a quick fix to improve the quality of your relationship, but if you’re worried that your marriage or relationship might be struggling or are seeking ways to bring more love back into your connection, create more mutual understanding, download the PDF here.
Within ‘The 7 Day Relationship Rescue PDF,’ you will find couples therapy exercises and activities designed by a licensed therapist to improve relationships.
This resource offers practical strategies and activities and is available for you to try for free.
I love that my job is to help people build great relationships, and workbooks and PDFs like this are a great way for me to give even more couples access to therapy tools and communication exercises outside of my counseling sessions.
This workbook contains some of the self-help tools and couples therapy exercises I offer my clients in person. My hope is that you, too, can take a significant step towards building healthier relationships by downloading this free PDF, which will help you get on the same page as your partner.
These strategies and tools are designed to help you navigate some of the more frequent challenges that arise in a relationship, which I see in my couples therapy sessions. My hope is that these exercises and tools will promote a deeper understanding of each other and strengthen your connection.
Who are these exercises for and who created them?
Maintaining a satisfying relationship can be difficult, but as a couples and family therapist, I constantly review the latest scientific research and psychological journals to find the most up-to-date information on how to help people create enriching relationships. The couples therapy exercises I develop are ideally used alongside couples therapy sessions but are also valuable for independent learning.
Over the past decade, researchers have identified numerous key factors that enhance relationship satisfaction in marriages and long-term partnerships. This is great news for anyone experiencing tough times with their significant other, as there are tools and skills you can learn and incorporate into your relationship now that could make a significant difference.
I am a licensed couples therapist based in Los Angeles, providing marriage counseling for nearly a decade. My practice utilizes therapy techniques from family systems theory, emotionally focused therapy, and psychoanalytically informed therapy and I love providing couples counseling in-person and online.
The 7-Day Relationship Rescue
A free resource from a couples therapist.
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What Couples Therapy Exercises Are In The 7-Day Relationship Rescue?
Included in the PDF are some couples therapy exercises covering a diverse range of topics I often speak to in couples counseling sessions.
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How To Really Listen in Your Relationship - a couples therapy exercise that sounds obvious but packs a punch to create clear communication.
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Turning Conflict with ‘I’ Statements - the essential skill in creating better communication and a strong relationship.
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Building Emotional Intimacy Through Vulnerability - prompts to deepen your connection on date night from a qualified therapist.
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Identifying and Addressing Unmet Needs - a valuable activity that people don’t talk about as much that can really shift things when reflecting on your partner specifically.
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Establishing and Maintaining Healthy Boundaries - healthy boundaries create happy couples.
1. Mastering Active Listening in Your Relationship or Marriage
Every couples therapist will tell you that active listening is crucial to improve communication in a romantic relationship and there's evidence to back this up. This is one of those therapy exercises I think should be taught in high school as it's so profoundly important. If one partner can genuinely listen to the other, they do more than just understand what's being said. It shows that you value and respect their thoughts and feelings and helps your partner feel prioritized and understood.
Our Active Listening exercise teaches that most people listen to 'respond' rather than 'learn.' There is a powerful distinction between these two listening styles. Listening to respond means you are thinking about other things, which prevents you from truly hearing your partner; listening to learn shows that you want to do your best to give your full attention to your romantic relationship.
In this section, you'll find a tried and tested method for practicing listening skills with my activity for romantic partners. You'll also get a breakdown of the PEAR Framework of Active Listening, which I frequently use in couples counseling sessions to help people start communicating effectively and to foster a deeper connection.
2. Creating A Healthy Relationship with 'I' Statements
One of my favorite and most effective couples therapy exercises is teaching people how to use 'I' statements. It's the gold standard if you're looking to improve communication and create a more fulfilling relationship.
The most effective method I've found to teach couples therapy techniques like this involves turning one partner turning 'you' statements into 'I' statements and the other rate it. This is covered in 'The 7 Day Relationship Rescue' Workbook, and it will support you in mastering the art of the "I" statement!
In couples therapy, I help couples use "I" statements all the time to lower defensiveness and promote deeper understanding. I think mental health professionals across the US would agree that these are an incredibly valuable communication tool.
I often use this exercise in multifamily groups in a residential treatment center and in my private practice in couples therapy. It's an engaging way to learn how to use "I" statements with your partner.
3. Couples Therapy Exercises For Conflict
This section of the workbook focuses on helping people with relationship problems around conflict and emphasizes proactive conversations to prevent disagreements from escalating into confrontations.
By discussing potential hot-button topics in a productive manner, couples can have a more constructive conversation and effectively communicate different points or feelings about the topic. Expressing feelings and listening to the other's perspectives in a safe, calm way enables couples to better manage their differences and identify patterns in disagreements, as well as provide improved conflict resolution skills.
This section provides counseling ideas such as:
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Post-Conflict Reflection Questions
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Best Rules For Fair Fighting
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Four Conversations Every Couple Should Have
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Repair Checklist
4. Improving Emotional Literacy
Improving emotional literacy happens when you try to incorporate more feelings and words into your everyday life and communication. I highly suggest you try something new like the first version of the Feelings Wheel or the newer version in this PDF. Either can be transformative if you use it daily, and it's a foundational point of any couples therapy exercise. Learning to name your emotions is vital for your mental health and fostering connection and intimacy.
This section includes an exciting emotions chart to help improve emotional literacy and give you a head start if you decide to start couples therapy.
5. Building Emotional Intimacy Through Vulnerability Questions
Building emotional intimacy through vulnerability is essential for any deep relationship and to make a life that is more satisfying. I also know that it's not easy to do. Genuine connection requires feeling safe enough to express your fears, dreams, insecurities, and experiences without fear of retaliation or rejection.
This exercise promotes the mutual open exchange of honest emotions, helping forge a closer bond.
6. Identifying and Addressing Unmet Needs In Our Couples Exercise
Identifying and addressing unmet needs is crucial for a healthy relationship and this is one of my most exciting communication exercises that people don't talk about as much.
Unmet needs can cause tension and resentment, leading to dissatisfaction and disconnection. Whether being open to hearing your partner's unmet needs or expressing your own, it starts by knowing the six types of needs there are.
This activity helps you understand and rank your emotional needs, then share and discuss them with your partner to receive feedback on meeting each other's needs and can help keep the spark alive.
7. The Relationship Boundaries Exercises
Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining individuality and intimacy. This part of the workbook involves reflecting on different types of boundaries: porous, balanced, and rigid. One of the more important relationship skills you can learn is how to set boundaries and how to understand them interm of keeping a relationship healthy.
The activity will help you understand boundaries, reflect on your family of origin, and carve out time to evaluate your current boundaries. This understanding is vital for a balanced approach to boundaries that respects both your needs and those of your partner.
Download The Couples Therapy PDF HERE
If you're thinking about starting marriage counseling and are not sure if it's going to be right for you, here are some frequently asked questions that might help you out.
Are You Curious About Couples Therapy?
How long do most couples do therapy?
On average, many couples engage in therapy for about 12 to 20 sessions, which typically span three to six months of weekly sessions.
However, some couples may find that they need a shorter, more intensive burst of therapy, especially if they're dealing with a specific issue or crisis. In these cases, a focused approach over a few weeks can yield significant improvements. Conversely, couples with more complex or deep-seated issues may benefit from longer-term therapy, extending over a year or more.
Severity of Issues:
Couples facing severe communication breakdowns, infidelity, or long-standing resentments often require more time to work through these challenges effectively.
Goals and Expectations:
Clear goals can streamline the therapy process. If a couple aims to improve general communication, the therapy might be shorter compared to those addressing more profound emotional wounds.
Commitment and Participation:
The level of commitment and active participation from both partners greatly influences the duration. Couples who are motivated and engage fully in therapy tasks often progress faster.
Therapeutic Approach:
Different therapeutic approaches, such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), or Family Systems Therapy, may also impact the duration. Each approach has its unique timeline and methodology, but all are designed to help improve your emotional connection.
Do You Offer Intensive Couples Therapy?
Yes, I offer an intensive therapy experience called Relationship Mapping, designed to give you a unique perspective on your relationship by meeting with you multiple times over a week. This approach helps identify current patterns and potential future issues, providing a proactive method for relationship management without the need for extensive travel or long-term commitments. Our intensive sessions are scheduled flexibly around your availability, making it ideal for busy couples, and you'll meet with me and another trained couples counselor, giving you the perspective of two people at the same time.
Relationship Mapping
Relationship Mapping focuses on understanding and improving your relationship dynamics through concentrated, frequent contact with a skilled therapist. In just a few focused sessions, you’ll receive a personalized relationship map, uncover critical insights and negative and positive aspects of your relationship, and develop an action plan to strengthen your bond. This efficient and powerful alternative to traditional therapy allows you to achieve meaningful progress in a short period, providing you with the tools to nurture a healthier, happier relationship.
What is the failure rate of couples therapy?
The failure rate of couple's therapy is 3 in 10 couples, and that's based on the literature that shows studies suggest that couples therapy has a success rate of around 70%, or 7 in 10 couples. That being said, the effectiveness of couples therapy can vary widely, and its "failure rate" depends on numerous factors, including the issues being addressed, the commitment of the partners, and the skill of the therapist.
The Science and Studies Behind Your Digital Therapy Sessions.
Active listening has been found to be a significant predictor of relationship or marriage satisfaction and effective resolution in couples.
Citation: Jones, K.L., & Davis, M.N. (2018). Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 17(2), 112-127
Emotional Literacy / The Feelings Chart Study
Partners or people in a marriage with higher empathy scores reported greater relationship satisfaction and a more understanding partner, even when controlling for other factors like communication skills.
Smith, J.A., & Johnson, R. (2015). Empathy and Relationship Satisfaction. Journal of Social Psychology, 45(3), 233-245.
I 'Statements' in Couples Therapy
Couples trained in using 'I' statements showed improved communication, reduced defensiveness, and better anger management compared to a control group of people in romantic relationships.
Thompson, L., & Rodriguez, J. (2020). The Effectiveness of 'I' Statements in Couple Communication and Conflict Management. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 46(3), 421-435.
Unmet Emotional Needs in a Relationship or Marriage
Couples with unmet emotional needs reported lower relationship satisfaction, lower mental health scores generally, and were at higher risk for breakups over a 5-year period. Working together to discuss these issues alongside new communication skills from the PDF can be a significant step forward.
Nguyen, T., & Goldstein, S. (2017). The Impact of Unmet Emotional Needs on Relationship Satisfaction and Longevity. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 16(4), 298-315.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries in a Marriage
Couples who reported having clear, balanced boundaries showed higher levels of relationship satisfaction and individual well-being.
Patel, R., & Singh, A. (2021). The Role of Healthy Boundaries in Relationship Satisfaction and Functioning. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 47(2), 389-403.
Managing Disagreements and Fights
Couples trained in effective conflict management strategies or conflict therapy exercises reported improved quality in romantic relationships and reduced distress compared to pre-intervention levels.
Kim, J., & Lee, H. (2016). Effective Conflict Management Strategies and Their Impact on Relationship Quality. Journal of Family Psychology, 30(6), 752-762.
Emotional Support and Understanding In Couples Therapy
Couples who actively practice empathy and offer emotional support to one another were found to have higher relationship satisfaction. Their ability to understand and cater to each other's emotional needs is crucial for healthy relationships. This exercise improves emotional communication and emotional intelligence to foster trust.
Smith, J.A., & Johnson, R. (2015). American Journal Of Family Therapy
Q: How can couples improve their communication and ensure a deeper emotional connection?
A: Improving communication and emotional connection in a relationship doesn't have to involve couples therapy. As a couples counselor, I emphasize the importance of simple things like eye contact and structured, constructive conversation to foster an emotional connection that can easily be implemented with some thought or planning. Couples can engage in exercises that focus on listening skills, which are crucial for understanding and validating each other's perspectives and feelings. Utilizing "I" statements during conversations can reduce defensiveness and enhance understanding. Even planning a date night or some fun activities at the weekend or just making a concerted effort to increase physical affection can shift a partner's mind and lower major conflicts.
Incorporating positive psychology techniques, such as expressing gratitude and appreciation, helps to strengthen the bond and spark alive the relationship. Additionally, discussing each other's dreams and setting relationship goals can align your visions and deepen your connection. Engaging in regular date nights and spending quality time together are also essential practices for maintaining intimacy and connection. For couples struggling with communication styles, our sessions offer problem-solving exercises tailored to your unique needs, promoting more effective and empathetic interactions.
Q: What are some effective strategies for conflict resolution and managing disagreements in a relationship?
A: Conflict resolution is a vital aspect of any healthy or solid relationship, and managing disagreements constructively requires specific techniques. One effective strategy is using reflective listening to ensure both partners feel heard and understood.. Establishing healthy boundaries and understanding each other's needs through a shared journal or gratitude journal can also play a significant role in reducing conflicts.
It's important for couples to engage in specific exercises designed for conflict resolution, such as switching roles to understand each other's viewpoints better and practicing major conflict management techniques. Teaching couples how to express their feelings and appreciation in a productive manner can significantly improve conflict resolution skills. Our intensive therapy sessions include concerted efforts to identify and address unmet emotional needs, which often underlie conflicts. By focusing on expressing feelings and addressing relationship goals, couples can create a stronger, more resilient bond.