Worry, overthinking, and anxiety are often used interchangeably, but realizing that worry is not your friend has helped many of my clients.
In this article, I will share frameworks I use to help address these issues with clients, and that i've used myself.
Key Takeaways
Worrying can feel like a safe process, but it often prevents us from addressing deeper emotions.
Recognizing the anxiety loop can help identify when thoughts are misleading.
A practical strategy can provide a way to challenge anxious thoughts and feelings.
Worry, Overthinking, and Anxiety
Worry, overthinking, and anxiety are terms that people often use as if they mean the same thing. I see this frequently with clients, and it's helpful to treat worrying as a misleading companion. By understanding this, many of my clients find relief from all three.
Worry is a complex cycle. Some might think that if we just think about our problems enough, we will feel better. It's true that more anxiety can lead to more worry, and by reducing anxiety, we can lessen our worries. Yet, there's a paradox: worrying can provide a sense of relief. Even if it feels unpleasant, engaging in worry might avoid other, deeper emotions. This brings about an emotional payoff that makes it easy to fall into the habit of worrying.
When I worry, I'm primarily thinking. This mental process happens in the prefrontal cortex, where language and logic reside. The feelings part of my brain, known as the amygdala, is less active during this time. So, worrying keeps me in my thoughts rather than allowing deeper feelings to surface.
To illustrate, imagine standing on the edge of a tall building. If I think about it, I'm using my rational mind, and the physical reactions are less intense. Research supports this; feelings during real experiences of fear are much stronger compared to thoughts about them. Worry can be a way to avoid strong feelings.
Moreover, the act of worrying tends to reinforce itself. When I worry, it provides a sense of control, almost like a magic trick. I might think that worrying prevents bad things from happening, which reinforces my habit of worrying. This creates a cycle where my anxiety leads to more worrying, keeping me stuck in a mental trap.
As a therapist, I encourage clients to express and feel their emotions. Worry stops these feelings from surfacing. When I worry, I don’t truly experience emotions, so I can’t process them or understand their needs. For instance, if I feel lonely, I might need to reach out to someone. If I'm anxious about something, I may need to confront it directly.
Clients often come to therapy struggling with worry. They may feel frustrated when typical strategies don’t help. Until they recognize that there's a payoff to their worrying, they may lack motivation to change. Traditional exposure therapy, where one confronts fears, may not work if worry blocks emotional experiences.
To understand anxiety better, I found it helpful to define the five rules of anxiety, starting with the smoke alarm rule. This rule means that any fearful thought I have gets taken seriously, like it’s a real danger. For example, if I'm in a dark alley and hear footsteps, I might imagine a worst-case scenario. Much like a smoke alarm detecting a fire, these thoughts prompt my mind to react immediately.
The Paradox of Worry
Worry as a Cognitive Process
When I think about worry, I see it mainly as a mental activity. It engages the part of our brain responsible for reasoning and logic, which is the prefrontal cortex. While I’m stuck in my thoughts, the feelings part of my brain, the amygdala, gets less attention. This means that by worrying, I avoid facing deeper emotions. For instance, imagining a scary scenario like standing on a tall building doesn't make my heart race as much as actually being there. Worrying is about thinking, not feeling.
Worry's Emotional Payoff
Even though worrying feels uncomfortable, I’ve noticed it offers a strange relief. It can serve as a way to escape other feelings. This emotional payoff can turn worrying into a habit that I might not even realize I'm forming. Because worrying feels safer than facing my fears, I might find myself choosing it more often. In a way, it becomes a comfortable pattern that is hard to break.
Reinforcement through Magical Thinking
Worry can trick me into believing that my thoughts can control outcomes. This is called magical thinking. For instance, if I worry about encountering a monster, I might think that my worrying will prevent it from happening. This illusion of control can keep me stuck in a cycle of worry. It reinforces the idea that worrying is a good practice, even when it just keeps me from addressing my real feelings.
The Five Rules of Anxiety
Rule #1 The Smoke Alarm Rule:
This rule suggests that every small signal, like a text message, is interpreted as a major threat. It makes us think every fearful thought is serious.
Understanding these dynamics can help break the cycle of anxiety and create healthier emotional habits.
Rule #2 The Boomerang Principle
Trying to shove anxiety away can actually make it bounce back harder—much like a boomerang returns when thrown.
The more you insist on eliminating discomfort, the more it seems to fight for your attention. Paradoxically, learning to acknowledge your anxious feelings often makes them less overwhelming.
Rule #3 The First Day Of School Illusion
Anxiety convinces people they lack the internal resources to handle tough situations—forgetting the many times they’ve managed difficulties before. They rely heavily on external reassurance, believing, “I can’t let anything bad happen because I just can’t cope.” In reality, they’ve already survived countless challenges, proving they’re more capable than they think..
Rule #4 Every Rumble Is The Big One
Any slight sign of trouble—a racing heart, a sudden noise—triggers thoughts of catastrophic outcomes. It’s like hearing a rumble and instantly assuming it’s the worst earthquake ever.
By magnifying every minor cue into a crisis, anxiety keeps you in a near-constant state of alarm.
Rule #5 We're Under Attack
This overarching stance has people seeing daily life as a war zone, modifying their choices to stay “safe.”
They avoid certain places, activities, or even thoughts to guard against what they perceive as ongoing threats. The result is a restrictive, exhausting existence governed by fear rather than actual ris
Worrying acts as a distraction from deeper feelings. It creates an emotional payoff, making it easy for the habit to develop. Here’s how it works:
Worrying is a thought-based activity. It engages the prefrontal cortex, where language and reasoning occur.
Feelings are minimized. When I worry, the amygdala, the part of the brain linked to emotions, is less active. This means I avoid experiencing deeper emotions while I’m stuck in my thoughts.
To illustrate this, let’s consider a scenario. Imagine standing on a tall building. I can feel the wind and the vertigo. This brings strong physical reactions, like a racing heart. Now, if I think about being on that building instead, the physical response is much weaker. Research shows that thinking about fear doesn't provoke the same intensity as actually facing it.
Worrying, while distressing, serves to shield us from experiencing those intense feelings. This is why people often find themselves caught in a cycle of worry, reinforcing the behavior with each episode.
If I fear something, I might think that worrying about it keeps me safe. This leads to magical thinking—an idea that my thoughts can control outcomes. I may believe that if I stop worrying about a possible threat, it might actually happen. This creates an illusion of control, reinforcing the habit of worrying.
The downside of this is critical for those of us in therapy. When clients worry, they struggle to access their feelings. Worry prevents emotions from surfacing, meaning they don’t process or understand their needs. For example, if someone feels lonely, they might need to reach out to someone. Without feeling, they can’t identify those needs.
Sometimes, clients come to therapy frustrated that they can’t stop worrying, despite trying various tools. Until they see the benefit of worrying, there’s little motivation to change. This is why traditional exposure therapy isn’t always effective. If someone worries before, during, and after facing their fear, they miss the opportunity to feel and learn from that experience.
Anti-Anxiety Strategy with Three Layers
Worrying, overthinking, and anxiety often seem similar, but I see them as different. I’ve found that when my clients recognize worrying for the false friend it is, they tend to feel relief. I want to share the practical framework I've developed to combat anxiety.
First, let’s discuss the paradox of worry. Many believe that if we think about a problem enough, we'll feel better. Unfortunately, this isn’t true. Worry can bring a false sense of security. It’s common to think that if we just stop worrying, our anxiety will reduce. While this might seem logical, it overlooks an important truth: worrying can actually give us emotional relief by distracting us from deeper feelings.
Key Points of the Paradox of Worry:
Worry can keep us focused on thought rather than feelings.
The prefrontal cortex, responsible for reasoning, gets activated when we worry.
The amygdala, which deals with emotions, becomes less active.
Imagining a scary situation, like standing on the edge of a tall building, can create physical responses like an increased heart rate. In contrast, worrying about that situation causes much less intense physical reaction. This means that while worrying feels bad, it helps avoid facing more intense emotions.
Next, I want to touch on how worrying can reinforce itself. When I worry about something, it feels easier than facing that fear directly. This creates a habit where worrying becomes a form of comfort. It can lead to magical thinking, where I believe that my worries can control outcomes, like thinking that worrying about a monster can keep it away.
Impact of Worrying:
Worrying prevents me from experiencing and processing emotions.
Without feeling my emotions, I don’t learn how to soothe or understand them.
Worrying can create a cycle that makes my anxiety worse.
Now, let’s move on to the five rules of anxiety. The first rule I focus on is the smoke alarm rule. This states that any fearful thought should be taken seriously, similar to how a smoke alarm works. Even harmless situations can trigger anxiety if I'm not careful.
It's crucial to recognize that some feelings have needs attached to them. For instance, if I feel lonely, I might need to reach out to a friend. If I don't feel these emotions, I won't understand what I need to do.
By addressing these areas, I aim to break the cycle of anxiety and create a more balanced emotional life.
Tackling Anxiety through Insight
Worrying, overthinking, and anxiety often go hand in hand, and many people use these words as if they mean the same thing. When I help my clients see worry for what it really is, they often find relief from all three. In this discussion, I’ll share frameworks that have worked for me and that I use in my practice. My goal is to help you reduce worry and overthinking.
The Paradox of Worry
People with anxiety, myself included, often believe a common myth: that thinking about a problem more will make us feel better.
It seems simple—if we stop thinking, we should worry less. While this is true, there's an important paradox.
Worry can provide a false sense of relief by keeping us from facing deeper feelings. This emotional payoff makes it easy to fall into the habit of worrying.
When we worry, we mostly engage in mental activities. All this thinking happens in the prefrontal cortex, which handles logic and reasoning. During this process, the feelings part of our brain, the amygdala, becomes less active.
This means we avoid dealing with deeper emotions.
For example, if I think about standing on the edge of a tall building, my body won’t react as intensely as if I were really there, feeling the height and the wind.
Worry helps us avoid feelings, making it easier to remain in a thinking mode instead of a feeling mode. This leads to a cycle where worrying reinforces itself.
If I’m afraid of monsters, I will worry more about them instead of facing my fear directly. This thinking creates an illusion of control, making worry seem like a smart choice.
Understanding the Consequences
Worrying creates a mental trap. It stops us from expressing and processing our feelings.
If I can’t feel my emotions, I can’t understand what those feelings need.
For instance, if I feel lonely, I might need to reach out to a friend. If I never engage with the feeling, I won't know what to do about it.
Sometimes, clients come to therapy wanting to stop worrying. They might get frustrated when they struggle to do so.
Until we recognize the payoff of worrying, there’s little incentive to change this behavior.
This is why some exposure therapies fail. If a client worries while confronting their fears, their thoughts can prevent genuine feelings from emerging, stopping them from truly processing their emotions.
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